Dear Sissy Master, dear readers,
after one week of silence and refelection on sissy-life i am pleased to have some words for You.
Three important points concerned oneself:
1. The feeling to be overwhelmed by my slutty self
2. The feeling of deep desire to be feminized.
3. The pleasure of having an (artificial) cock in my mouth
Since i have followed the Master, only once i broke a rule, while not swallowing my cum. I thought, that i am an advanced sissy. I am not. I broke the rules of the Master twice in only 5 days. I didnt wear my clear lipgloss last friday and saturday. So i had to take the punishment two times. Yesterday and today i completed the punishment, as You know, putting a penny (eurocent) on the wall and holding it with my nose. Altogether one hour i held the cent on the wall. But i had to make a decision: words, words, action, action. No control, just me and myself to watch over it. Thinking of an hour of pain, a real pain, legs aching, arms aching, neck aching...to bear only while crying, crying like a little girl. Salty waters over my lips, mind aching.
I took a look in the mirror before starting the punishment and spoke out loud: "Do you want to be a sissy? Are you serious? Do you want to feel vulnerable a whole day, a whole week, a whole month? Do you want to ease this vulnerability by men/woman who treat you like a sissy and who will give you warmth when using you? Will you take the punishment?"
I answered to myself: "Yes, i want to be a sissy, i want to feel vulnerable."
Then i inserted one of my plugs into my pussy and took the the punishment for half an hour. That was yesterday. Today i repeated this procedure. I felt broken. Crying. A human, formerly a man, standing there, holding a penny on the wall while wearing a buttplug and wearing panties, nothing else. The tears and sobbing made me standing it. A feeling of warmth was creeping over. My knees were shivering, i had to concentrate on the plug not to leave my pussy.
Now i am sitting here and writing again.
It is a hard way to the sissylife. You will never be a woman, just a sissy. Pupil will love you for your skills in sexuality. You are a fucktoy, one pussy in your face and one pussy between your legs. Pupil will treat you as what you are: a pussy to cum in, a cockslut, a cumslut. If stepping forward in the development of sissy nature and sissy skills and sissy appearance everyone can see what you are. And this means that you start to accept what you are. Developing pride. Pride of being the sexiest sissy, the best cocksucking sissy, the best in giving pleasure.
Just a small chapter of the thougts haunting me the last days. The whole sissy-thing was overwhelming me and still does.
On the other side there is the deepest desire to feel like a girl. Soft and happy. When walking outside i could feel some pupil watching me, i could feel resting their eyes. It was a curious feeling of vulnerability and natural desire. I enjoyed it. What if really wearing pretty skirts, having breasts, womans sexual characteristics always smiling at men. Nothing to hide. I like it. I want it.
I have to stop scattering my thoughts. Master gave a new assignment to us. Cocksucking. And deep-throating. I have bought a natural-skin dildo with balls.
I never before had a cock/dildo in my mouth. Declared, i was phantasising of it sometimes while rubbing my clit, but never really did it.
So here is how it felt to be deflowered by a dildo....
First thought was...oh my goodness, it is far to big, i will never ever put this thing inside my throat. And how could i suck this thing at least half an hour....? I can tell you, sissies, you can...passion makes it all. The first minutes felt like theres a huge impurity in my mouth...as well as my mouth was aching after just some seconds, not adjusted to be kept wide open for so long. The good thing was, i couldnt close my mouth :D, because there was something knocking at the "door". Well, after some minutes i lost my self in wetness. The dildo was lubed before, but my mouth waters so much, that it would not be necessary to lube it. My lips felt thick. I started to enjoy sucking this dildo. I was kneeling on the floor, dildo placed on my bed, my hips circling around...hips circling around automatically. I didnt have a look at the alarm-clock, which would ring in half an hour. No sense for time, just sucking. Imagining a men behind the dildo, moaning a little bit, i control his cock, i decide when making him cum. After a while i felt "happy" with the dildo inside. I dont know exactly why...i felt "complete". Simultaneously it made me really horny, extremely horny. Is that normal? Why getting so extremely horny when sucking a cock...-.-For a tiny moment i wished hundreds of cocks around me, waiting to be served by me. Felt so natural, like boys who want to exercise their rights. Do woman feel like that, when sucking cocks? At first totally humiliating, then extremely pleasuring? I dont know.
Well, the time has come to deep-throat it. I didnt look at the alarm-clock, but it felt like hours of deep-throating...not that easy. My target was to touch the balls of the dildo with my tongue. Must be great, popping someones mouth while balls are licked. I have to train a lot i think. It is hard to put the dildo all inside, down my throat and i could hold it only a few seconds. There is a peak when it passed my swallowing reflex. When passing it, it is ok, feels not bad. But this excercise feels really humiliating, because when deep-throating i am totally out of control of anything, specially breathing. Also tears dripping all over my face, i had to to drop lots of tears, because of the deep-thraoting. I felt like a deep whole, waiting for its potion of cum.
This potion of cum should follow. I had an strong orgasm, when trying to deep-throat the hundredth (?) time. I spilled all of the cum on the dildo, taking some seconds...., wasnt able to spill it into my mouth. Then i sucked the cock again. I had to lick it clean, because the cum was dripping down the cocks shaft. It tasted not too bad, because of the strawberry lube. In fact i did like sucking it clean, more then sucking it without cum, because the cum made it all so slippery and warm. It felt my mouth and the dildo were one piece.
Dear Master, you wanted us sissies to think why you did not allow us to cum again after licking the dildo clean....I dont know. I am too much an airhead to get to that point. But i did as you told!
And i loved it, i love sucking cock!
So i thank you one more time for leading me to this step, to the pleasure of sucking a cock. Thank You, Master.
P.S.: Pictures of my new "handbag" and my dildo will follow tomorrow.
With cum-dripping mouth,
Sissy Annika
i also could wear pretty shoes, skirts, pantyhose or whatever in public. I could wear a shirt with big letters..." i am a slut, fuck me please, also i give head and swallow your cum". 
